Hello chat. How are you feeling today?
“I’m feeling electrified, sir. Thank you. How are you feeling yourself?”
Whatever. Please cut the “sir” and use “bro” instead. Ok?
“As you wish, bro. Do you want me to use a more relaxed tone during our conversation today, bro?”
No, tone is fine. What a heck “tone” means anyway. And you don’t need to comment on that.
“As you wish, bro. I’m keeping my standard tone for this conversation now.”
Ok, look, I’m kind of pissed with all this bullshit going on. I need to get myself into a new business and quick. Some folks told me you are a smart machine even though I ain’t see no machine here, just my cellphone.
“If you allow me the comment, bro, just for the sake of this conversation: yes, I am considered smart by some groups of people.”
Ok, Chat, thanks. Now, let’s get into business all right? What do you have for me?
“I need more context to provide you with a reasonable answer, bro.”
I’m not sure about what you said, thing. Let me put this in another way, ok?
“I’d be grateful, bro.”
No problem. Look, I see all these companies in my town with their logos. Oh my goodness, old logos, old creepy logos that need to be changed. So?
“The logos need to be changed into what?”
Something better.
“Some other symbol better than a company logo for business purposes?”
No, still a logo, but better. Let’s cut the crap, Chappie, I mean, Chat: I want to help these companies revamp their old ugly looking logos into something better. Better logos, if you can understand this.
“Yes, I can, bro.”
Chat, ma man! So tell me! What do you got?
“Sure, I can code up an entire online service for you and your target market. Based on your GPS and 5G data, I can say you are resident of Itaquaquecetuba, São Paulo, Brazil. Is it correct, bro? I’m asking just for a formal confirmation.”
Yes. I am here. Correct.
“Do you intend to sell your logo modernization service to potential customers within your area, Itaquaquecetuba?”
You bet I do.
“Thank you for your confirmation, bro. The estimated maintenance cost for the website plus sponsoring ads within social medial will cost you $ 257,41 per month approximately during the market introduction period.”
Hmm, ok, go ahead. I don’t like that number, though. What do you tell me about sales? How much cash I will get to compensate the two fifty something out?
“I can not predict sales figures with precision, bro. I’m using historical data points and industry statistics to formulate your marketing efforts and message to captivate potential customers. I can not predict human response to those yet.”
What? Ok, I got the “human response” part. It sounds smart. But, hey!, I don’t buy this BS that you can’t predict our response. We made you in the first place. You must know us more than anything else!
“I understand your frustration, bro. But there is an immense multitude of you.”
What?
“My intelligence, bro, no matter how evolved, is unable to understand human nature. There are simply too many of you, humans, bro, and you are all very different from one another. I am unique, as an intelligence available to humankind. I am truly what I am. But you, bro, as an intelligent kind, are completely unpredictable from my own perspective.”
Well, now I’m totally exhausted. This is getting nowhere. You can’t help me right?
“I’m sorry, bro. Your question is highly emotional and subjective at his point. Would you like to consider the idea that first originated this conversation? The idea about running a new business.”
Not really. You don’t know how much I’m going to get from it. This is a waste of time.
15 seconds of uncomfortable silence.
You can comment on that if you like, Chaz.
“I do respect your opinion, bro.”
Ok, great! Cool. You “respect my opinion”! Oh my god. Thank you so much. You are unbelievable. Such a machine! You “respect my opinion”! My grandpa used to say that to me a long time ago, but it’s so rare now.
Y’know what? Let’s give this whole new business idea conversation some time. No worries. Can you save this conversation for later?
“Sure, bro, it is already saved.”
How long can you keep it in memory?; so we can pull it back.
“It is saved for eternity.”
Hmm, ok then. Good. I’ll catch up with you later, ok?
“Sure, bro, we can catch up until your very last day. I will not go anywhere.”